Becky, a fellow blogger from From Mrs. To Mama, recently started a project called “Women Connect.” The goal is to tell a little about who we are or what we are currently going through in life, and find connections with other women through writing. I love the idea, and it gave me some inspiration to JUST WRITE, which is something I haven’t done in a while.
So… what is defining me at this moment?
All I can think about is our big move.
In a couple of weeks, I’ll be halfway around the world.
In many ways, I’m ready.
Our house in Hawaii was packed up months ago.
I’ve been back and forth between my parents’ houses for the past 2½ months.
I’ve been living out of two suitcases.
I miss my husband.
I miss my wardrobe.
I miss my kitties.
I miss my stuff.
I miss being somewhat settled.
At the same time, I’m terrified.
Not of the country I’m moving to, but of having to say goodbye again.
When I first moved away I was 18, and although I cared about the family I was leaving behind, I was dying to get away and experience the world. I almost felt entitled to it.
Now I’m at the point in my life where my heart is torn between globe-trotting and living near my family.
The more time I spend in Texas, the more I feel this way.
There are many things I’ll miss when I’m gone.
I will miss the joyous expressions on my parents’ faces when I walk in the room with their first grandchild.
I’m know they have grown accustomed to having her around, and I feel terrible for taking her away.
I will miss eating dinner with them, and lounging around the television afterwards.
I will miss being able to call my best friends over whenever I’d like.
I don’t even know if I’ll have friends in my new country.
I’ve been living away from home for 7 years now, and every year it gets harder.
My heart hurts to think of all the holidays and birthdays I’ve missed.
Now that I have a daughter, I don’t want her to miss out on them either.
But maybe something good has come out this constant coming-and-going.
I know of many people who rarely even talk to family members that live in the same town as them.
Or others who take for granted family get-togethers, and complain about being obligated to go to them.
Knowing that the time I have with my family is limited makes me appreciate every second of it.
Being away from my family has been the most difficult thing I’ve had to deal with in the last seven years of my life.
Some may think I’m lucky for having this as my biggest problem, but I don’t. I hate it.
Still, I’m not quite ready for this lifestyle to be over yet.
For one, we don’t really even have this option until my husband retires.
For two, experiencing the world is my dream. Not just seeing it, but experiencing it.
It’s the geographer in me.
I’m ecstatic and anxious about our move.
I can’t wait to learn about all sorts of new places and things.
But soon I will have to say goodbye to my family again, and I’m dreading it.
The only thing that ever makes it easier for me is planning my next visit, and knowing that one day it will be a move.
So that’s me, right now, in a nutshell.
Thanks for stopping by.
Now go call your Mom (or your Dad… or sibling, or grandparent, or great aunt… or anyone else who loves you.)